All Things Bright and Beautiful

HELLO!

2010-02-18T05:20:00.000-08:00

This blog is finished

2010-02-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

Thank you for serving your purpose, this is indeed my last post. You let me run riot with my emotions, show my shit talent in printmaking, show you my life photos and helping me over come something which I knew would be hard.

I've cried over my laptop to many time whilst writing a post. This is in fact the only place I let my guard down.

And I was talking to my mum tonight about a friend who no matter what bad thing happened to her, something always good would come out of it.

Is this just luck? I don't think so? I think you just make what you make out of any situation.

I'll probably start another blog, not carry on with this one. This is indeed a closed book and walking away with good memories in my head.

All my love,

and a HUGE thank you for your support and my favourites to the side

xxx

Just let it go, just let it be.

I may have been the one that lasted the longest,

but wasn't the one who was his first love.

I was just the one he had to walk away from

I was the type of the one you live and learn from.

Or maybe I was the type of the one; that should never be together

Or was I the one that was meant to last forever?

and maybe I was the one that shouldn't have got away?

Just maybe, maybe one day, once everything is settled.

and we've all grown up,

we'll know how this was meant to be,

and I probably won't be the one you can so clearly see?

2010-01-31T16:13:00.000-08:00

''and i don't care how i go about putting that wall up or how long it takes, just as long as it doesn't tumble down when i need it to support me if i should ever decide to lean on it, then and only then, me and that wall will be just fine''

Film

2010-01-30T08:30:00.001-08:00

why should people know my problems, my weaknesses? that's like leaving a wound open for someone to blow dust into it.

I got some more film developed. This is me.

I don't know if this has to do with growing up and taking on more responsibility but recently, I keep evaluating my personality. This might seem really strange, but do you know when you talk about someone behind there back, you talk about what they are like as a person:

'oh I never knew they was like that' or 'They're really starting to show their colours now'.

I can't help but think, what do they say about me? I just hope its good, I really hate it when I make a bad first impression. So now when I talk to someone, it's starting to make me more aware of how I speak and how I speak about other people because I have the tendency;

to say something and mean something totally different.

Though working in a pub doesn't help, normally every company has the bitchy gossip between the staff, but because your always interacting with the customers, regular people, the gossip becomes about them as much as it is about the staff and rumours get around like bees to a honey pot. I've also notice how that the people I work with latch onto every bad thing you say about someone, never the nice. So now I try to not say anything that could even remotely be read in the wrong way and just get on with my own business and not bother about anyone else's gossip.

The rest of the film was taken over Christmas and New Years, it's just taken ages for me to get it developed. Enjoy :)

2010-01-27T16:46:00.000-08:00

Dear good looking guy who gave me the pink roses on the train tonight,

I hope that our paths cross again soon.

your sincerely

the blonde girl who walked away happy with roses in hand.

2010-01-26T16:28:00.000-08:00

Just a little note for myself, permission to ignore this;

I was dancing around my nan's living room with Grace to 'be my, be my baby' today,

Nan: How you getting on with nitting

Me: Not so well.

*nan throws books and wool at me

Nan: Here try crochet instead

I look at mum.

Mum: Its easier.

There I am sitting, trying to teach myself crochet, something else I've started and won't finish.

Same day, on the train at half eleven at night: A woman pulls out a ball of wool and a crochet needle and is doing it at the speed of light. I'm sitting there thinking; Fuck I'm crap, *slightly jealous, I couldn't get past the third row.

Remember - You can teach yourself anything, if you put your mind to it, finish it.

missing.

2010-01-25T09:31:00.000-08:00

bloods thicker then water.

I've wanted to talk about this for a while, but i was scared I wouldn't write it to how I feel. My mums a massive believer of family are the ones you rely on and that they should always stick together regardless through thick and thin.

The past few months my mind has completely blocked this feeling out. Losing a lover is hard, though I can easily replace one. And even though he's not dead, you can't replace a dad. This may sound harsh and I never wish this upon my dad, but sometimes I think it would probably be a whole lot easier if he was dead just to ease the pain to know that it wasn't his choice to leave us. Because it hurts everyday knowing full well he picked someone he knew for less then a year over his children he taught and raised for 20years and he is still walking around, and he could try but he just doesn't want to.

Yeap he's out there somewhere, enjoying a life where he abandoned his children, he says he tried, but he never. He left saying 'we old enough not to need him anymore' But it was never about needing you dad, It was always about wanting you there. No one ever needs anyone in this world.

I know this happens to a lot of families and my mum and dad had arguments like normal couples do, you take the rough with the smooth right. I never thought that day would happen, but it happen to my family and I never knew my dad had it in him to be so selfish and cold with words, because you don't want to see the bad in the ones you love.

The funny thing is, i should blame you for a lot of things, but i don't. My mums right, if you did walk though the door now i'ld welcome you with open arms, he's my dad, but I shouldn't and I wont because it's unfair on my mum, because she's been there and she'll be there for the rest of my life, and my dad wont be there the day I move into my new house, the day I need you to come over and fix my sink or shower, the day I get married or the day I have my first child, they may be a loonngg time from now but I'll never get over the fact you left your duty as a father.

So yeah, I don't normally talk about my family on here, and watching a proud dad on t.v tonight triggered me to cry over my laptop after quite a while of holding it in and it's hard, but it's just a set back, I won't babble on about this any more.

i've watched this film to many times.

2010-01-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

Cristina: [Looking at a sculpture of Jesus] Are you very religious?

Juan Antonio: No, no, no, no, I'm not. The trick is to enjoy life, accepting it has no meaning whatsoever.

Cristina: No meaning? You don't think that authentic love gives life meaning?

Juan Antonio: Yes, but love is so transient. Isn't it? I was in love with a most incredible woman... and then in the end...

Vicky: Yes?

Juan Antonio: She put a knife into me...

Cristina: My God, that's terrible!

Vicky: Well, maybe you did something to deserve it

Juan Antonio: Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic

Vicky Christian Barcelona is a breath taking film, it is one of my favourite films. I've blogged about it before ageess ago and i never get bored of watching it. It has everything I love in one film; Barcelona, travelling, romance, art and a carefree out look on life. It's set in one of the most idyllic places ever. This film made me fall in love with Europe, because life is so simple in most European countries. Europe is so underrated and has some of the most beautiful sights and it hides such creative and talented people. I would love to take a year out and live somewhere in Europe.

Manging life.

2010-01-22T04:45:00.001-08:00

How people can juggle there life so well, amazes me, I pretty sure its a talent that I don't have, I struggle with;

Going to full time fine art and photography classes during the week
Getting course works done for my classes
Going to work in the pub 3 times a week, in the evenings
Doing enough work for the new shop to open, because that is quite litterally my life for the next 5 years at the least
And keeping my room clean

It is safe to say I have a busy schedule but it gets to the end of the week and it feels like i've done absolutely nothing. Like, I have just been sitting on my arse all week, but why do I feel so tired, going to bed late and struggle to get up in the mornings, I think its time to kick in a 'time productive' Gemma because I need to start seeing rewards for feeling like a walking zombie.

Also I found this on Cats Blog - (CiTiEs of B) she is indeed a little cutie from Barcelona!

I will give anything a try, to make myself feel productive, because I am quite lazy and I become a horrible, horrible person when I'm stressed, and my mum can vouch for that.

Banksy

2010-01-19T06:22:00.000-08:00

Banksy, we all talk about him, we all know who he is. I only thought he graffiti cute little maids, police men and rats on public walls and that was it, there was no point to it, untill I found his book 'wall and piece'. This man clearly does not care where he graffiti's and what he is graffiting, its quite amusing.

He qoutes in his book:

Imagine a city where graffiti wasn't illegal, a city where everybody could draw what ever they liked. Where every street was awash with a million colours and little phrases. Where standing at a bus stop would never be boring. A city that felt like a party where everyone was invited, not just the estate agents and baron of big business. Imagine a city like that and stop leaning against the wall - it's wet

Do you know what, that does sound idyllic, but in all honesty I think I'ld get bored of reading the little phrases all the time and looking at pictures which I've just seen 5 minutes down the road. Then eventually once the novelty has worn off and it becomes second nature to us, what are you suppose to do now to stand out from the crowd? how do we think-out-side-the-box and become something unique like Banksy is now, of course, you paint the town grey and make it look dull again, just to piss everyone off and to get your point heard, like what he is doing now.

Life's unfair, if you got your own way, life wouldn't be so much of a challenge, now how boring would life be if you didn't have obstacles, you wouldn't feel like you've achieved much - that's my very own quote.

I like Banksy, I like his obvious sarcasm, I like that he has strong views on how we should change the world and who he think is in the right and who's wrong. It's people like him, who give me views, because I don't know how we should change the world, or even if it needs changing. He makes me more aware, because I'l rather look and question a piece of honest art graffiti on the wall, then watch it or read it on the news.

Belle

2010-01-17T03:19:00.000-08:00

Ohhh mmyy God! OMG YESS!

I will quite literally have an orgasm talking about this. but you know, every girl has a hidden fantasy.

You know the book I've been quoting from throughout my blog, Its her - its Belle De Jour. She is the sexiest lady I know, and I don't wish to be a Call Girl but damn I would love to have that lip biting, body panting, excitement and you don't know what to expect next time lifestyle.

Season 3 of Secret Diary of a Call Girl is comming soon, It's back! book number 2. And I got book number 2 for Christmas last year, and I hid it, out of pure and utter stubbornness. I'm on the hunt for it.

how dare you make being a prostitute look good.

Summer

2010-01-15T10:12:00.000-08:00

I don't crave for summer, I like the cold, wrapping up warm and all that jazz. But i'm a BIG fan of spring, its fresh, bright and get everyone out of that groggy mood from winter! but I was thinking tonight, I've had a good past of summers. I think my top two would be summer '07 and summer '09.

I only bring this up because I found my Interail ticket in a pile of papers I was going through, and last summer was THE BEST summer I've ever had, I don't think coming years can compete.

It started well with Cuba, with the family, because I we alll needed a brake. Then travelling half of Europe with Jasmin and coming back to a new beginning and opening up a shop!

So many amazing memories from each country, I'll run through them for you: (I haven't caught the travelling bug muchh)

Barcelona: our consecutive night of sitting on the beach drinking cider and eating nachos and Gaudi, Gaudi LOVE!

Rome: our massive fight. And a table width between me and Obama, Oh yes, Obama and me 'chilling' in Vatican city at the same time.

Milan: sitting in a cafe, Jasmin decided to order 2 large glasses of red wine at 8 in the morning, I'll just have a my latte please.

Venice: of course, meeting the two Liverpudlian lads, getting bottles of wine and attempting to get on the roof of our hotel.

Budapest: the best hostel ever, an ice storm, amazing bars and night-life and making a traditional Hungarian meal with a Hungarian man.

Austria: the bike ride towards the mountains. skinny dipping ;) and the slight matter of Jasmin nearly killing herself in a river.

Prague: absinthe and the absinthe ice cream shop.

Frankfurt: meeting one of the guys from venice, spending the night with him in an Irish pub - in the sex district, though they did show us the pretty side the next morning.

Berlin: Ha. werid. erm, the only place we didn't really explore the city. the best memory, I'm not going to lie, was lying on the hotel hallway sofa, drunk, on the phone to him in England, that was the only time I felt like, this relationship could actually work.

Amsterdam: The space cake, (bad/ better choice), because I couldn't smoke the mary jane without choking myself to death. I'm not a smoker at all, never will be I think after the dry throat the next morning. The space cake kicks in... and jasmin seems to be throwing up maggots, eventful night.

Brussels: The immense amounts of free chocolate and the most amazing boutiques.

2010-01-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

'So just get your self together and plug it in, plug it in, PLUG IT IN BABY! WHERE YOU BEEN, where you been, WHERE YOU BEEN BABY! just plug it in, just be yourself babe, be yourself'

Oh hoi!

hey there, how you all doing! I'm in a rather uplifting mood tonight!

God knows why? I gave blood the other day then got a milkshake afterwards, that always make me feel good.

That same day I brought a red balloon, i think there was a bit of a red theme going on. I brought this balloon because number 51 on my list says: Let a balloon off with a note on it. It's still sitting in my living room, with no more helium left in it. I'll blame Grace for constantly hitting it against everything, including her head, though she looked like she was having a good time.

I don't know why i decided on a red balloon, it just seemed at the time more satisfying letting go of a red one, as oppose to a green on. A red one would brighten up the dull, grey, skies theses winter days and it would be more symbolic of letting go of all the fear and anger in my life.

But I've seemed to have realised, I'm not a very hateful person, I may get scared but I don't need to watch a balloon I just paid for, fly off into the sky, the only person who seem to have got a slight satisfaction out of that balloon was Grace, and she has the most amazing smile, who will without a doubt make you smile too.

I guess this means I'm back! I wasn't away long, but I wanna thank the people who left me beautiful comments, mwaahhh!

(fall for me)

2010-01-08T18:12:00.000-08:00

Dear new followers and my blessed regulars and the ones who say they are following me but don't say anything.

you've caught me at a bad time.

I don't wanna blog right now. I'm not in the right frame of mind. This is probably a bit more sane then the first attempt to write this post, it had a lot of 'fucks' 'erghs' and 'dicks'

so for now I want to focus on my business, my art, my dresses, my debts. To shake theses feelings away, I need distractions.

I'm sorry, I don't feel much use to anyone when I'm in this state of mind, or that anyone wants to make much use of me and what I have to offer. I don't feel that inspirational, I'm not inspirational anyway. I sometimes wish that I was so much more then what I am, because I know deep down that I can achieve great things. and I guess I see now as an opportunity to break out of my old routine, begin a new one. A more hard working one and try not to burn the toast whilst I'm writing this.

ciao for now my beauties.

2010-01-07T12:54:00.000-08:00

Oh Tom Jones, you charmer.

I simply must go

But baby its cold outside

The answer is no

You know its cold outside

This welcome has been

I'm lucky that you dropped in

So nice and warm...

... I've got to go home.

I've not been doing much these past few days, no work, nothing creative. It seems that london has comes to a stand still when there is snow, so, so will I. Now I will listen to more of Tom Jones and eat my fruit and cream.

I think the next few days whilst we are snowed in, I'm gonna start making clothes again. Also, if anyone asks as of today I'm now classing myself as a Dress Maker. Yeap.

Platonic Love

2010-01-06T17:49:00.001-08:00

And yes. I know that i've said this before.

But if there is anyone I will never give up hope on. Never stop loving. Never stop caring for.

It is Jasmin.

I totally understand how she can be your soul mate, that someone, who, if ever does fall out your life, you can't even bare to speak to them or look at any more. She will grab you hook line and sinker and will never be forgotten, never be replaced.

I'm really starting to sound gay here, but It does relate to a conversation I had earlier this evening and he said I can see no one else by her side like I see myself, not even 'Johnny Vegas' (I thought I'ld throw that in for good measures). I wish a boy would say that about me. Obviously I haven't caught anyone's attention enough for them to even remotely feel this way about me yet. One day, I will reel someone in, then i'ts just such a shame, that I will have to break their heart for them to feel that way about me.

We discussed earlier tonight, that if we where in a relationship together, It would be the ultimate relationship ever, we understand each other in and out. But I think sex would get in our way, It would ruin us forever, we are free from any physical desire, which would make us platonic.

The opposite to platonic and it all becomes confusing and you can't take that essence of curiosity back once you've had sex. It opens a lot of feelings and attachment to someone.

Your eyes start to close and you wonder what it feels like to make them moan, you get to the point where you just want to rip their clothes off, because you've become to curious for your own good and you can't help but be as passionate as you can be when it comes to 'it'. And then what? you've had sex? do you feel satisfied, will you look back on it and say that you want that again? Your feelings do change about that person once you 'you know'. whether you become more caring, more closer, less attached, it messes things up in the short term or in the long run. But how do you know what you feel until you've 'done it'. Its a confusing cycle.

Maybe right now a platonic friend is what I need, to keep my head out of the clouds from thinking to much.

101 things 1001 days

2010-01-04T17:32:00.000-08:00

And when we move into our flat in Camden
Me: Yea..
Can we have a pug dog, that's slightly boss eyed?
Me: haha. sure thing
also a no cat policy, are you okay with this?
Me: yea i prefer dogs anyway.
Oh good! OH! we can have a bichon frise too!

Helllo! I hope you like the new layout! So new year, new start! I only say this because I could feel myself slowly going back into what I work so hard for, to get out off. If that makes any sense? I thought I was ready, but maybe I will never be ready, this is something I have to accept and know that friends will never be on the table.

So getting myself back on track and keep striving forward, I remembered that last year I failed at doing 101 things in 1001 days list and as I keep refusing to complete a project 365 with my two best friends, because I won't complete it, I've set my goals reachable/ achievable this year I've halfed the work on a 101/1001 and I will complete a:

50 Things in 500 days:

MY LIST

Travel to at least 2 places abroad I havn't been to yet
Make a wedding dress for someone to wear on their big day
Tidy room regularly
Buy a new car
Buy insurance
Make an underwear collection
Finally go to Brighton with Michelle and Jasmin
Write a note for a stranger and give it to them
Grow your hair! DON'T get it cut shorter
Work as hard as you can for the business
Never change your purfume, You will forever smell like Vera Wang
Come on we all do it.. No more facebook stalking, I've finally figured its weird
Keep giving blood
Get a tattoo for Nanny Dolly
If you get into another relationship, still be independant and keep making time for my girls.
Go on a girls holiday
Don't give up on college, even though its your 4th year and you know this year is a waste of time
Do another sentiments project (27th april)
Make the most of what comes and the least of what goes
Learn how to pattern cut (to make more extravagant dresses)
Don't start anything if you know your not going to finish it
You are not allowed to buy anything/ shoes/ clothes until your debts are paid off
Don't lose weight > tone up
set a challenge everyday over a one week period
Go without facebook for a week
Go to bed at a reasonable times, if your not doing anything.
Start saving money
Be more open to ideas
Do something for charity
Recycle properly
Make more videos of my life experiences
Back up all my photos on my laptop
One chance policy when it come to boys.
Try yoga
Have my face on a T-shirt
Actually knit something
Spend New years eve abroad, but be back in time for dinner with the family on new years day
Start to know the basic of my chosen language
No regrets
Visit an art museum once a month
Let a balloon off with a note on it
Create my own home made food recipe
push my blog
push myself to work harder
Choose a month and take a picture everyday
grow a plant
Get a Brazilian waxxx (ouchhh)
Buy a proper silk screen ink, so you can use your silk screen
Sell at least 10 pieces of my own art work/ or dresses
Get up for sunrise and watch the sunset.

To me this is an achievable list. fingers crossed.

So i went through my blog

2010-01-02T16:47:00.000-08:00

...........Gemma. your dyslexic, your not suppose to write how you feel. so shut up.

...........It's true I'm very Dyslexic, so I should sometimes shup up, and begin to vent my feelings through art.

I feel like I've immensely sucked at blogging recently, and the new year is here now, so i'm going to push all feelings aside and just get on with it. I went over some old posts, deleted some unnecessary ones and realised I harbour to much and over think a lot of things.

My expectations are different, more idealistic to actual reality. It would be nice to live in a consent daydream, but I think i'ld miss reality, it keeps me some what grounded.

So I think an improved blog will be presented very soon, sorry for the lack of replys and thank you for your comments over the festive season, I will be back in action once I'v sorted a few things out, back on top form and catch up on my favourite bloggers.

All my lovvee,

I'll leave you with something that I like to start the day too

The Cardigans:

they are very quickly becoming one of favourite bands everr.

My Favourite Game

Lovefool

Erase and Rewind

1st Janvier

2010-01-01T14:21:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 2010 PEOPLE.

I don't know what I want from this year,

but I do know I wanna keep shinning, even brighter then last year.

Her blog and Flickrrrrrr

check them out.

This is brilliant! I really do appreciate good photography and I'm not saying this because she is my bestfriend, oh no. thats a bouns. But she has started up her blog again, whilst attempting to do a 365.

I spent New Years Eve with this girl, at Liverpool St station being chased by a tramp and guessing the count down whilst running. Then getting a curry in Shorditch smashed. haha. Videos to follow :)

2009-12-29T20:19:00.000-08:00

The other night, I was walking around collecting glasses. Acting my usal self. I bent over behind a man to grab a glass of the table he was sitting at.

I don't know what he was thinking or what he thought I implied, but all 3 men who were sitting at the table immediately stopped what they were doing and watching, may I add - It was football, got up and helped me take the glasses to the bar.

I smiled politely and thanked them. And now every time they came to order a new drink from the bar they brought their dirty glasses over. They quite literally reduced a crappy job over a smile and a slight (it wasn't even a full bend over the table, like it could have been remotely sexual) no just a quick, I'm grabbing that glass.

Isn't it amazing how as women, we have such powers over men. Just one look.

Black isn't a colour

2009-12-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

And Gemma, your growing up to be a beautiful young lady, these are the years you really shine, so embrace every compliment.

I've been talking a lot about relationships and love for the past week or so, Cats right, it must be the time of year, I think a change of topic is in need. Lets talk fashion?

I'm not a massive fashion buff, hens why I don't blog a great deal about it. But I like to look and feel good, for a little of a price tag as possible, I quite literally don't own one piece of designer clothing. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not? nahh, it actually doesn't really bother me. But there is one massive disfunction about my wardrobe, my dress code at work is; your allowed to wear what ever you want, as long as its black. So practically everything I own is black. When I go shopping, I am only looking out for something black/grey or white. but generally my essential are:

leggings
bodycon skirt
blazers
waist belts
bodycon dresses
cardigans

I really like the way I dress, I like my body a lot, I love my curves and not enough girls embrace that womanly shape.

Well each have there own opinion on the female body, but I suppose as long as you feel comfortable in your clothes then it will 100% show your confidence in yourself and what your wearing. Here are some of my outfits, i tend to wear a lot of high waisted tight bottoms and more free flowing tops and then pinch my waist in with a belt:

The second picture, considering I want to do topless modelling, I guarantee I will always where a vest underneath. I wish I had the sass like the girls who I see/know, to go out in just a netted top and bra.

One of the silliest things is, A boy taught me how to shop. The trick is, you have one item at home you wear a lot, and you buy stuff to work round it. which makes total and utter sense, I used to go out blind.

Day 500

2009-12-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

So I've had a complete and utter lazy film day today, and I know i'm a little bit late on this film, but i've been dying to see 500 days of summer ever since its came out. I've finnally just got round to seeing it. It is quite litterally reliterates everything i believe in, every relationship, every person you have a connection too, you do learn from.

It is a beautiful film, and funnily enough I could see myself in the characters on so many levels, the boy and girl.

Cringing when the girl said, 'lets just take this slow, and see where we go, theres no need to put a lable on what we have?' I've had so many arguments over this statement, because if you like someone there is no waiting.

(please don't read the next paragraph if you don't want me to ruin the film)

And actually in the end, the girl comes out and says to boy; 'There I was sitting having coffee, and he asks me about my book, the next I'm marrying him, and I quite don't understand it myself? but I woke up one day and I knew, because I found what I was never sure off, when I was with you'

Which is why I believe there are no grey areas and seeing how its goes, you'll only end up breaking someone heart and I don't want to break anyone's heart. I wanna feel that immediate 'I want you'.

Another quote from the film that came up was:

Henry Miller once said: 'the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature'

I love my blog and I write exactly how I feel, despite how gay I must sound sometimes. It is a great film.

25e décembre

2009-12-25T17:23:00.000-08:00

I suppose I should say...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

cheers!

A few things on my mind today other then christmas, i'll bullet point them for you:

I hope my mums happy. She deserves everything for how hard she works
My dad is a dick, i'll tell him next year not to bother at all.
I've only had 3 hours sleep and I have work tomorrow.
I'm ridiculously lazy, maybe this should be my new years resolution
What on earth is there to do for New years eve?
I really love all my Christmas presents. thank you.
Yea, and life is pretty good actually.

I hope you allll had a wonderful Christmas and Santa brought you all pretty gifts. For the 3rd year running, Vera Wang Princess perfume was under the tree, if you don't know me that well, this is the perfect, can't go wrong, will always expect someone to get it for me gift. Vicky Christina Barcelona dvd, OHHH yesss, my favourite film ever.

I also got a new digital Fuji Camera. I lovveee it to pieces and I totally needed a new camera! BUT before i forget have you seen the new Olympus Pen Camera. jaw drop, gorgeous.

camera chow, picture wow - don't be a tourist:

The camera I got today has actually got a lot more features, settings and better general practicality and I just wanted to show this because it caught my attention by how beautiful it is.

Lastly of course Gemma could not go chritmas without something Polaroid. Oh, yes. I got this little beauty today:

Polaroid Pogo Printer.
It is amazing, just charge it up and take it anywhere with you and print a picture anywhere you like. I personally like the quality of prints you get from it, it has that polaroid/film feel to them. Here are some picture taken from today and of course they are printed from the pogo so you can see the quality for yourself.

22e décembre

2009-12-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

A smile is contagious.

I've now come to realise I would like to be in a relationship, I'm fed up with all this independant being single crap i keep telling myself, I've done that for a year now, I miss...

.............wearing/prancing about in pretty underwear.

The stockings and the frilly knickers. La senza used to be a shop I just popped into to have a look around, now its somewhere I just walk past, thinking: I have no one to wear it for, no point wasting my money really. I miss the sexy giggles, just laying next to someone, the cuddling, the kisses, the intimacy, the company. Yeap. I've now come to realise, I think I'm ready to commit to another, I wonder if this time out has changed how I am in a relationship.

My mum finished my hair extensions today! woooo!

Shoulder length hair, it might not seem that much of a big deal to you, but my hair has been stupidly short for 3years now. I'm also wondering what colour to go? or if I should even put a colour in? or should I stay looking Swedish?

A class act

2009-12-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

I will become a Class Act. A cool blonde.

A class act does not bombard you with whimpering phone calls to the effort 'why are you out with your mates watching footie when you could be choosing sisal floor mats with me?'

A class act does not take a split badly, or if she does so without a peep.

A class act is the silhouette disappearing into the night that you will no doubt remember - but will never talk to again.

A class act will spend a lot of time alone, drinking spirits.

A class act will never emerge from a local church in a shower of petals.

A class act will never be a mummy , yummy or otherwise.

A class act will never have a husband who visits prostitutes.

...................I've taken on board one, forget I mentioned the rest.

Sister Holga

2009-12-17T11:40:00.001-08:00

So. Every now and then I post about how I envy the life of the girl in my book. Because my life isn't like hers except we live near London. We don't have that same personality, We don't have the same taste in clothes, music or lifestyle but I turned the page today and I read something that I was blissfully unaware of, thats what I've been doing, we have one thing in common!

'Fair enough.' I smiled 'You still miss her, don't you?'
'Too damn right. Your still in love with him, aren't you?'
'You know I am'
'I find it strange,' he said. 'Theoretically I'm over her, but if that's so I should probably make an effort to date another woman rather then avoid them altogether'
'Ah. I know that stage,' I said 'I'm in a more of a "sabotaging perefctly good potential relationship" mode'

And that paragraph hit the nail on the head for me, For the first time, I related myself to Bell. It was like hearing those lyrics that perfectly fits how you are feeling.

I was Christmas shopping today, in central. But I can't help but buy a little something for myself. drum roll pleaseeeee... It is:

qpöbby 009 Risue Camera By Superheadz

It is known as a "sister holga" its quite literally tiny and is on a keyring. ooooooo. I never use the word stoked before but I'm gonna say it now. SO stoked to see what the pictures will come out like! and I will show you that's for sure :)

But my ones pink

One last thing! Its snowing right now! hehee. (right now is: 9pm on 17th of December)

HEELLLOO

Not a lot I know, but its coming down fast and heavy. I'll keep you updated on thiss too ;)!

Trail and Error

2009-12-16T12:43:00.000-08:00

time repairs most things.

Along side photography, I study fine art. I haven't really been getting into the swing of things with Art. I find it so hard to start a project and finding research to get it going, but on the other hand creating and experimenting with techniques and ideas is what I feel most comfortable and creative doing. So, where I have such a big range of experimental work, the build up to a final piece is massive and you expect to see something amazing. HA. no chance. I guarantee its a massive flop.

Here's some of my art work to do with the bleach paintings I showed you earlier (click here to view). The pictures are in the order of how they came together.

First was collaging my paintings and sketches to come up some ideas. methods used in these are pen and wash, bleach painting and acrylics

An etching from the ides above.

A silk screen from the ideas above and a layering of pen and wash drawings, created with OHP sheets.

Etching and silk screen combined.

Etching, silk screen and OHP pen and wash drawings.

I haven't a clue to what my final piece will look like. trail and error, trail and error is what I'm thinking.

Also YAY! for being featured on Diamond in The Rough! - a place for undiscovered blogs! Thank you!!! :)!

oh. Paolo Nutini you hold my heart.

2009-12-13T13:51:00.000-08:00

What a beautiful song

I was perched outside in the pouring rain
Trying to make myself a sail
Then I'll float to you my darlin'
With the evening on my tail
Although not the most honest means of travel
It gets me there nonetheless
I'm a heartless man at worst, babe
And a helpless one at best

Darling I'll bathe your skin
I'll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy, before I go
Oh, darling I'll kiss your eyes
And lay you down on your rug
Just give me some candy
After my heart

Oh I'm often false explaining
But to her it plays out all the same
and although I'm left defeated
It get's held against my name
I know you got plenty to offer baby
But I guess I've taken quite enough
Well I'm some stain there on your bedsheet
You're my diamond in the rough

Darling I'll bathe your skin
I'll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy
before I go
Oh, darling I'll kiss your eyes
And lay you down on your rug
Just give me some candy
After my heart

I know that there´re writings on the wall
But Darling I'll bathe your skin
I'll even wash your clothes
Just give me some candy
After my heart

Oh I'll be there waiting for you (repeat)

Be proud of your country. Make your country be proud of you.

2009-12-12T06:59:00.000-08:00

I don't read or listen to a to a great deal of news, I'm normally so consumed and concerned about my life that I don't take time to appreciate other lives. But as I was surfing through Facebook I came across page which was dedicated to a Boy who was in my school, in the year above, in my sisters year. I don't know him, but I've seen him before. And this page was for people to grieve over his death.

His name is George Sparks, only 19 and he died in Afghanistan last year. He died fighting in a war supporting our Country. I just want to to dedicate this post - words are not enough to what they deserve, I know, but damn you died a very brave person. I think most people including myself, couldn't do what you do and would be petrified. So many are grateful and proud that you and all the other soldiers are fighting for our country. A sincere thank you.

I also don't take time to appreciate my country, I love London, I love England, we maybe small but we are a very strong country and I am proud to say that I am British Citizen. I brought sooo many red poppys this year for Remembrance Day, Because I kept losing them, I'm so unorganised, but I have a red poppy now blu-tacked next to my bed :)

2009-12-11T04:59:00.000-08:00

Me and Jasmin found a fairground :)! we surly did embrace this moment!

Happy-Go-Lucky

2009-12-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

You make your own luck in life.

The critics are more the right in saying its 'fresh, funny and joyful' it is an awesome 'British comedy-drama' film, (shame about the ending) but never the less, definitely worth watching. Poppy is such a fruitful character, who is quite literally happy-go-lucky and it left me thinking, you do create your own luck and happiness.

Shattered Goods

2009-12-06T17:16:00.000-08:00

My fingers are tightly crossed for this opportunity, please let me be good enough.

Hello wonderful bloggers! did you live life to its fullest today! I'm in a good mood, let hope it stays that way! *touchwood*

I dunno if you've notice, I leave pretty random quotes in boxes at the top in most posts I blog. They are little reminders of my life, I like looking back and remembering things! They are indeed what makes us the people we are today. Never forget the bad, the good, the ugly. The bad makes you appreciate what you have today, The good, are just good memories that make us smile and the ugly are what we learn from.

Anyway. In this crazy internet world I found something that made me think, how does anyone come up with these ideas?

Things that don't shatter - By Brock Davis

This has never crossed my mind, of course a banana doesn't shatter! Although braking a pint glass is more then likely going to happen when working behind a bar, but its glass, it is suppose to shatter, which is why your probably a little more careful when carrying them.
I don't ever think: Oh if I accidentally drop Graces dummy it will shatter in to small little pieces and I have clean it up and then buy a new dummy! Maybe we would be more cautious if everything shattered, because it is a pain when cleaning up glass, you always miss the little sharp pieces that without a doubt, you will step on. Thank god for plastic, rubber and anything that bounces!

Oh.

2009-12-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

Do what ever the hell you want to do and care less for anyones opinion. But still uphold your reputation and your dignity, because seriously, once that's gone, its mighty hard to get it back.

Quite literally for months and months I've wanted to do topless modelling :o oh shock.....! I keep throwing the idea back and forth I had some pictures done a few weeks ago, I keep looking at them thinking;

1. I'm not good enough for this.

2. I don't want people prejudging me because I get my boobs out. In fact I would be highly flattered if someone asked me to stand topless next to Vikki Blows because she is stunningly gorgeous, this doesn't mean I'm a slag right?

Holly lucus photos check them out she is awesome!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lyluc
http://hollyevalydialucas.blogspot.com/

Opinions would be great on this topic. topless modeling.. when does it become trashy?

Portraits

2009-11-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

Portraits is the title of my project. ergh. I dislike very much. My first attempt in the studio taking photos failed. Not because of the model, in fact she's beautiful, it's my photography experience that is rubbish. I learnt some lessons though looking back over the 'finished' photos, shadows play a big part and positioning the lighting is very important too... who'd had know aye? durrr gemma! wasn't overly happy with the digital pictures. But I got the film ones developed, here are a few.

Model Amy.

These are some digital ones I done with Chrissy. not in the studio. But I surely think I'm struggling with this portrait stuff. They both have totally different looks and I don't know where my strengths lie and this bothers me.

Post-it notes

2009-11-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

RRUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Being a more visual person. I like to look at things that catch my attention. Such as these truly inspirational post-it notes. Here is the Blog > To Do: < daily they draw on a 'post-it' and stick it somewhere randomly for the public to find. Isn't this the best idea ever. I would LOVE to find one of theses.

Here is the flickr: To do: things we forget
The Twitter: To do: things we forget
The Facebook: To do: things we forget

I think im gonna attempted to do one of these a day. I'm sure it will make me a better person :)!

I WANT TO HUG YOU

2009-11-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

and tell you I'm your BIGGEST FAN!

Christoph Rehage, is one of the most amazing men alive.
He walked (well 1/3, still damn impressive) of the way from China to Germany. WOW.
He met so many people along the way... including his girlfriend. awhhh!

You are my hero!

These are some phots from his BLOG (HERE)

THIS MAKES ME EXTREMELY HAPPY! but I want to travel soon.
Me and Jasmin was talking about cycling northern Europe next year, if we do. I'm sooooo BLOGGING the whole way!

awhh everyone's been blogging about Thanks Giving and we don't celebrate that here in the UK. but Happy Thanks Giving guys! x

Coffee shop.

2009-11-23T08:35:00.000-08:00

So. whilst I was waiting for my film to be developed, I sat in a coffee shop because the weather was dire, to sing the song 'rain, rain go away, come back another day' would have been highly appropriate. I was reading my book drinking a mocha, although I don't enjoy reading, when I pick up this book I always seem to idealise her life, a paragraph from Belle De Jour;

A knock at the door this morning as I was drying my hair. It was one of the builders holding a single pink rose. 'er, um' he said, charmingly.
'is that for me?' I asked. The builders were meant to be finished by now, but there have been problems with the new dishwasher....
'its not from me' he insisted. 'I mean, I mean... it's not from me, someone said to give it to you'
'Lovely. And is there a note?'
'Didn't see one.'
'Whom did you say this was from again?'
'Dunno.' He though a moment, scratching his chin with the tube of plastic wrapped round the rose bud. 'some bloke?'
'And what did he look like?'
'Average size' Its good to know their general vagueness is not just an act to secure tea privileges. I suspected plumbing for more details, such as whether the suitor came on foot or by car...
'well thank you for delivering it'

I have queried all reasonable candidates but no one will claim responsibility for the gesture. It therefore follows that I must have a stalker, but as it is a good time of year for stalkers, I'll let it go for now. Who said romance was dead?

After a couple of hours I finished my coffee, closed the book and then went to collect the film from the past three days.

Out in Brick lane/Shoreditch. Started with a meal, then the pub I work in, then into London. I love Jasmin so much, she's pretty much someone I want to keep in my life forever. We have good nights out together :)!

Day 2. Went up to Oxford street for a shop with the brother. Selfridegs & Co always have amazing shop displays, and opposite thay had a little market selling all wooden toys and hand stitched teddies! so cute.

thrid day, Went over to chrisy, she just moved into her new house so me and amy watched her go through all of her stuff and get into her giant bag full of clothes.

The buzz

2009-11-21T09:06:00.000-08:00

When your ready to give up hope, just keep holding on because you never know what's round the corner.

I started this blog when I split up with my ex, my very first post was about what happened. I don't know why but I knew I wouldn't have anyone around any more to confide in like I did with him, I thought i'll only get to posts 3 and get bored. But I seemed to get a buzz and positive way of thinking from it, looking at other peoples blogs knowing its okay the world still keeps turning, even though it feels like your sitting still, there are people out there who have so much to share, so much show and I wanted to be part of that. A blog is like your world on one page. A blog for me is letting out the postive, the negative and the creative side to me.

Even if no one shows any more attention in my blog, I think I'll be pretty staisfide I enlightened a few people, and that a other bloggers have deffinately enlightened me, for example; I got a beautiful letter today from the USA! from the one and only Micaela! truly put a smile on my face after getting in at 7am this morning because Transport for London failed on me last night! A MASSIVE HUGE THANK YOU! my appreciation will be shown very soon!

:) I DID tell you these little things put a smile on my face! They are paper memories, these are some other paper memories I have!

Miranda tissue letter for Vday and Georges I like meat? I never talk about George, but he's a pretty amazing guy! he keeps me smiling and is my closest guy friend.

This little bear slipped its way into my sketchbook, I posted a picture on facebook and someone claimed it and said it was theres.. oppss I said I'll take good care of him :)! also letter from my jesse.

This one makes me chuckle all the time, its so typical Louise (her blog here) 'NEVER SETTLE' hehee.

It's a Guy thing

2009-11-20T17:33:00.000-08:00

That split second was like a 'Oh. that's my nan...' moment.

I can't seem to get enough of cranberry juice lately. mmm nom nom noom.
But today, I talk of different things. A Guy thing. This will be the first part of two posts about photography and how I have fallen head over heals for two photographers style.

The first being:

Guy Bourdin

Died in 1991 and he was known for being one of the best photographers in fashion and advertising in the second half of the 20th century. His work has been featured many times in French Vogue ( on of the best quotes from this video is: 'when an artist is no longer with us, they represent the period in which they lived in') and he has been exhibited in the V&A.

Second being:

Guy Aroch

Lives in New York, but is from Israel. He has been featured in quite a lot; Mens Vogue, Vogue, GQ, Nylon, The New York Times, advertisments for H&M, Bloomingdale's, Loreal and Wella.

AREN'T THEY JUST AMAZING!! oh so..

L.U.S.H

I dunno about you, but i truely adore photography when it becomes more then just a person standing there taking a photo. When it becomes an idea that not only the photographer who took the photo can take insperation from, but the viewer to. I think thats how most artists become world known.

Hair Affair

2009-11-17T03:00:00.000-08:00

Music! LENKA is the name,
beautiful voice, I recently downloaded the Radio 1 live lounge Cd and a cover of Friendly fires - Jump in the pool had me searching Youtube for more of her songs!

Skipalong

Keep smiling knowing all the while the world will fall apart

Bring me down

So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms

Got my hair cut yesterday. I've been to quite a few places in London, Vidal Sassoon, Saco in Covent Garden, but now I've settled quite well with Toni and Guy. They do model haircuts, where you get it at a cheaper price but they get a trainee to cut your hair. People always say to me, 'how do you feel comfortable with a trainee cutting your hair', Its actually not that bad! because 100% of the way you always have a person who is fully qualified watching every move they do. Because quite frankly they have a name to keep and they needed me to walk out of that saloon with good hair.

Also, I've had quite a few lovely bloggers compliment my hair. Thanks yoouu! here are some ideas off the Toni and Guy website, I would love to have too, but I'm so stuck in my ways now with short white hair!

RED

LIGHT

DARK

Rugby Vs Football

2009-11-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

Before I start this rant about how footballers are complete girls. I will start with something more girly and end with something more butch, (because the way I see it, girls should be girls and boys should be boys, correct me if I'm wrong please)...

Firstly, I was reading though my emails today whilst I was waiting for the train and Hotmail seem to keep sending me life quotes, I don't know why? Today's one was;

''Love is the greatest refreshment in life'' -Pablo Picasso

So I looked up, and thought, awh a lovely quote I agree with. So the whole journey home I kept seeing loved up couples, and the one thing that kept coming to my head whilst watching them fuss over each other was; that eventually will end in tears... Where has my trust gone in love?

Secondly, I'm not 'one of the boys' kinda girl. I, out of no choice have to watch football, racing, rugby and boxing because I work in a pub on the weekend. I have a debate going on, on what's better rugby or football! Rugby, (please no competition) The simple reasons being; Rugby is a real mans game, they don't faff about the pitch like footballers do, and I've noticed, even if its the opposite team, they offer to pick a man up when he's down and make sure he's fit to carry on playing, as where footballers create injuries to cheat the game!

At the moment, England's national sport is cricket although many people think its football. I personally think it should be Rugby.

Football

Rugby

I think I know whose locker room I'ld prefer to 'accidentally' walk into, stupid poesy footballers, look at them, seriously... tanned up to the max, stupid oiled bodies and stupid styled hair. A real man please, a rugby man!

What colour, what colour today, its grey, Oh grey.

2009-11-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

The skies are grey, the clouds are puffs of cotton wool and it is raining. Is this not an excuse to stay inside and enjoy home comforts.

So the end of last year, my news year's resolution was;

To make this the year of Gemma

Quite frankly my news year's resolutions always go down the drain, like the time when I was suppose to complete 40 days without meat, I gave into a Burger King burger a week later, I generally fail in every aspect of saying 'ill do it', then never finish it. But I think this time, I fully completed this one.

When I said this to myself, I want this to be the year I make something of myself. A year alone has given me more insight to the world then having someone guiding you. And at my age, I needed to find my own independence. Yeah it was lonely sometime and I wished I had someone there to encourage me, but I wouldn't have the strength I have now and I'm not so naive to disappointment.

ANYWAYYY...
I've been thinking about what I want next year to be for me, I would love it to be The Year Of Success. I feel like I've done a lot of proving myself this year, It should come naturally to me by now. But I think this is more for my mum, she works hard and I'm going into business with her next year. Selling Wedding dresses, Prom Dress and evening gowns. I'm so excited, but nervous to the core for this to work out (please).

So the past few months we've been researching other shops and told a few fibs. I'll set the scene; Bridal shop in Hornchurch, run by two elder ladies, I walk in and say:

'Hello, I'm here to look at your dresses'
'oh okay whens your wedding day'
'o'er not till next year'
'oh okay when abouts?'
'ermm, we havn't set a date yet, but we are looking at a summer wedding'

I'm not getting married, in fact, far from it, I'm single as single can get. We also went to the Earls Court - National Wedding Show London and because my mum baby sits Grace we had to take her with us. So there I am, holding a baby, walking around looking at wedding dresses, and the amount of people who approach me asking, when's your big day? awh isn't she cute, how old is she? my reply 'she not mine, I'm not getting married' I must have looked sincerely sad.

Corr this is turning out to be a rather long post, sooo to sum it all up, next year my days will consist of looking, selling and buying wedding dresses, altering dresses and selling prom dresses to demanding teenagers. So yea, I'm a tad bit excited! Vogue you have done me justice for buying you this month!

2 posts in one night..

2009-11-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

This has to be something I'm excited about :)!

I love, for sure, hand made letters.
I have ridiculous amounts of saved pictures on my computer of quaint, cute hand made things. I also recently sent my girls a hand made gift and letter, because I wanted them to start the day with smile.

Alright now I'm sounding seriously gay. But there is a point to this.

Even if you can't paint and you paint me the worst picture ever or leave me a random note, with your feelings on. It's the thought and effort that counts to me. So tonight, I came across a wonderful idea;

Ornament Exchange
by Dolce Vita

It's pretty straight forward, you sign up, she'll match you with a partner and then you make or buy an ornament to send to the other person just in time for Christmas. Also don't forget the all important Xmas card! If I was you, I'ld totally check it out.

Its nice to see so many people getting involved, Missy I dearly hope someone sends you something to change you mind about Christmas, if not! I WILL! :)

What fun is ART

2009-11-09T12:11:00.000-08:00

IF YOU DON'T EXPERIMENT.

Come on, seriously this is all I do, cut that up, stick that next to that, oh that looks nice with that on top. Okay I appreciate a good fine detailed painting as much as the next person. But I get much more excitement, when I'm mixing it up abit, Its so much more fun and creative and doesn't feel like so much effort!!

These are some photos I took and of course no Photoshop used, just scissors and glue.

Thank god for glue is all I can say, the simplest methods work the best I find, I'm talking about film cameras and hard graft in the dark room. Which is probably why I liked to specialise in Printmaking, Its all manual work no new technology, just heavy expensive machinery with great, perfect, slightly not how you wanted them to turn out pieces. You will always get a mark you didn't quite want, but they are mistakes well made, when it comes to Printing.

But of course, I'm not ruling out Photoshop completely, how on earth would we have, mark free and slimline pictures in our glossy magazines. Ah, there are some features I like to use too, duplicating maybe or layers if you like?

The children of our future

2009-11-08T05:01:00.000-08:00

What give me motivation, is them telling me what I can't do.

Right so I was in Toy R' Us the other day, and found A toy which had me and my sister in fits, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SELLING THIS;
McDonalds Drive Thru Food Cart Playset

For £39.99 your 'Kids will have a ball running their very own neighborhood McDonald's' it also makes real life Deep Fat Fryer sounds. Is this not setting your child up for a real 'AMBITIOUS' future. So I typed into google, Mcdonalds children toys, BARBIE has even jumped on the ban wagon.

Is it just me, or is there something really horribly wrong here. why on earth, sorry... how on earth is this helping your child grow? Right so, when I was googling Mcdonalds toys I came across this article too, and to be honest I couldn't put it any better myself;

Yes, before you can say, "I asked for no pickles" your child will be engrossed in the exciting world of moving slowly and doing things incorrectly. Seriously, what's the idea here? To convince a generation that this job is an awesome, wondrous way to spend your formative years? Nice try there, McDonald's, but you already play a crucial role in our workforce: scaring teenagers into getting a degree.

Click HERE to view rest of the article. - please read there are some more ridiculous toys, with great reviews.

Big congratulations to all you parents who thought this would be the perfect Christmas gift for your child.

HOT, FUMING HOT!

2009-11-05T15:17:00.000-08:00

I know we facing a recession
But the music yall making gonna make it the great depression.
D.O.A

MY GOD! I have never in my life been blown away by a song before, with such powerful lyrics. Jay-Z you have seriously won me over, I have converted to the Jay-Z, Rihanna and Kanye clan!

I'm sorry you have to listen to it, THE LOUDEST YOU CAN, to appreciate the epicness of the song, and if you just can't get into it, then you SUCK! :p

I say everyone hits up Blueprint 3. Also I need to express my LOVE for kanye more!

Little games, hit hard

2009-11-03T15:45:00.000-08:00

I'm totally changing this post, I wrote it when I was angry, very angry and I took it out on the wrong person.

I'm not a bad person, I don't upset and I'm always there for my friends or family; well apart from when I'm stealing my sisters clothes or my mums camera. But otherwise I keep out of everyone's way, mind my own business, I don't start fights and when I do have a problem with someone, I tell them straight away.

All I want out of life is to be happy, meet someone who will keep me happy and live a life with people around me, who respect me. and Thursday evening someone, I don't know who and don't know why? totally over stepped the mark and if that's how you want to get your cheap thrills then forget it, because I am a decent person, with decent morals and quite frankly you've insulted me a great deal. Someone has got a lot to explain for there actions. Because I don't quite understand.

On a lighter note

Don't you find that A baby brings so much happiness into a home. I think its there lack of knowledge of the world and they are so carefree. My mum babysits a little girl called Grace during week days. But after Christmas, this will stop, this makes me so sad, I've made a new little friend, who waves and smiles at me all the time, and I teach her annoying things :) She like A sister to me and would do anything to protect that little girl!

The picture above isn't Grace, But I wish I could take pictures like this lady, Shana Rea photography, beautiful colours!

BUDAPEST!

2009-11-01T15:58:00.001-08:00

Budapest was a weird place; we hated it at first, and then actually ended up staying an extra 3 days. I suppose our first impressions didn't help with a 16 hour train journey from Venice and half way there getting stopped and taken of the train because there was a bomb scare, so being pretty damn tired didn't help. Scary stuff. But we finally arrived there, safe and we though yeah, this might actually be aright, cheap beer and ice cream... what more do you want!

It took us forever to find the hostel which was recommend by some guys we met in Venice, we finally got there '’sorry we're full’' ERGHHHH we wanted to kill each other, we didn't book any hostels in advance on this trip, because we thought who knows our plans might change. At this point we just wanted to go on to Prague, we were seriously fed up. But we needed a proper night sleep after that train ride, so we found another hostel, which was on an Island. We then started to get excited, like yeah, there’s lots of clubs on this island. It was like a missive park with, a swimming area, with bars and clubs.
We didn't go out that night though, I was way to tired, but we met a few of the people who worked there, they were amazing and taught us how to make a traditional Hungarian meal.

You see Budapest is split into three sides, Buda, Pest and the Island in the middle which was where our hostel was - Pest being to more outgoing, fun, young side and Buda a lot more traditional. Budapest was a weird place, very very old fashioned but had quite quirky touches. It was really surreal. You also wouldn't dare to go in the under passes at night, It was like a massive gathering of hobos. We sadly made that mistake. We explored the town a little bit during the day, they of course had there row of designer shops but there was nothing exciting to see. You can though go into the houses of parliament, which is something you can’t do in England, or most countries.

So we practically stayed in our hostel during the day. I've got to say, it was one of the best hostels we stayed in, It was like our home for 5 days. They even let us draw on the walls :)

The second day we was there, we woke to hear there was going to be an ice shower; I had the funniest video of this, but all of our electrical equipment broke down on use. But I suppose now thinking about it, its better then losing a ticket or passport.

I seriously can't get over how nice and welcoming they all were, it was like a blessing in disguise, that they sent us to that hostel. Before we got out night train out of Budapest, we help Viktor spray paint hostel signs on the floor so more people could find it easily.

I think the most exciting thing to do during the day is to go to the public Baths, ahaha. They have certain days for men only and the same for women, and we didn't actually get round to going to the Baths but we met some English guys at our hostels who did, and they didn't seem to have a good time, I wonder why? It basically for gay people, so if your not really into all that, your best going to the baths on a mixed day, for men and women. They are supposed to be a really good experience a must do. Surprisingly we seemed to have met a lot of people in Budapest, more then any other place. We met our first female friend Sharon and we took her out for her birthday with the English guys. Got back pretty early in the morning and next to our hostel there is a harbour for boats, so we sat on there trying to play 'I have never'. They were nice guys! Small world though, we managed to just bump into them in Amsterdam.

I’ve got to say, Budapest has a really good night life, the best kebabs! Some incredible bars, with bath tubes as seats and so many roof-top parties and then you get some really cool chilled out places with loads of sofas. We heard some horrible stories about going to strip clubs though and how they con you out of loads of money. So be very careful if you’re going to a strip club!

They also serve absinthe behind the bar, but we got told off for drinking it because it was a Cheque Republic drink. Pffttt, we were there to have a good time, and damn we did. It's so hard to leave, you could well easily live here!

The joys of being 90.

2009-11-01T08:10:00.000-08:00

I'm always for ever wishing to be older. I honestly do feel that I've outgrown my age every year it gets closer to my birthday. I always have people telling me your 'so young girl, you wait till you get to my age'. When truthfully, I do think when I'm 50, 60 even I'll still have so much more to look forward to because I seriously don't understand how people feel like there life is ending, or feel like have to achieved a certain something by a certain age. Because quite frankly there isn’t a deadline to life and there sure is isn’t a sell by date on the back of your neck and then you get thrown out.

So here I think is proof, my Nan has still got it. Because she sat there and rubbed baby lotion over this fireman stripper for her 90th birthday! Gooo Nan!

After the party, I sat in the car with my mum and sister, talking about my Nan, she is getting older, I don't want to lose her and I want to spend every opportunity I can with her. She's Dolly, I feel like she is invincible. It scares me to know that, that day is coming because she is a massive part of the family. Nanny Doll is what keeps our family connected and we sure wouldn’t be going to a party, politely smiling catching up with aunts and cousin if my Nan wasn’t there.

But we were discussing; would we like to reach that age? It would be scary going to sleep or waking up one morning thinking this could be your last day. But I suppose you definitely can't think like that when your in that situation, I hope my Nan goes to sleep knowing she had a good day and cherished that she had a good life, despite the up and downs in the last 90 years of her life.

Bleach Painting

2009-10-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

So I've got really excited about a new technique my fine arts teacher taught me. It is Bleach painting, you basically use bleach instead of acrylic! I got stupidly excited about this technique solely because the limitation of experimenting with this is endless!

Bleach patterns on paper

I have made a demonstration video. I'm sorry but I totally didn't realise how crap I am at 'how to do' videos so, please excuse how awful it is. It is my first ever video on my blog, you've got to start somewhere aye, and if you can try to concentrate on what you have to do, that would be great! Also I forgot to add at the end of the video; If you actually try this technique out, Please I would love to see your work!

An artist I've been studying is Egon Schiele, which is whose work I've been working with to create my own bleach paintings below.

My beautiful girls

2009-10-28T08:03:00.001-07:00

I've got nothing to prove, I'm fading away from your life and being very happy in mine.

They mean the world to me and I hope they totally get what they want from life, if not more. I miss them all very dearly, they are all out doing there own thing or enjoying uni, so nights out with them allll together is very rare these days.

So a bottle of vodkat, apple shots, wine and some Caribbean rum, all mixed into one bowl and then lemonade and orange juice added to take away the sharpness, off course it will end up with me sitting on the bus, throwing my stuff out of my bag and then throwing up into my bag. I now know why they advertise 'please drink responsibly' on alcohol adverts, the portion of Chinese did not help either.

seriously, the fact I'm not pulling a half decent face in any of the pictures, slightly shows how hammered I was.

2009-10-24T18:22:00.001-07:00

At the moment I'm teaching myself;

SELF DISCIPLINE.

because after a horrible start to the week, after learning a lot about myself and one thing that will stick in the back of my mind more then my sister saying she hates me, is;

You promise the world Gemma, But you don't deliver.

I don't want to be this person. I know a lot of people who are like this, but I've never seen it in myself before. I suppose you never want to see the flaws in one self, and as humans we are very quick to judge others on there mannerism. So too effectively make a change, firstly, you have to want to change. You can't change someone, no one can change someone, they have to want to do it themselves.

Iceland

2009-10-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

''Its like nothing you've ever seen, Its like your dreaming, but your not, because its right there, and this is the world.''

For days now I've been longing to go to Iceland, I am going next Christmas for sure! So fricken sensational!!! DAMMN!

I wanna be sitting in a relaxing, breath taking blue lagoon and it will be soo intensely cold, but it wont matter because i'll be blown away by the scenery!

Frank Sinatra tuesday

2009-10-20T03:37:00.000-07:00

Pick yourself from up the ground and tell your self, this is your life then sort yourself out!

Oh, for some reason I was singing Frank Sinatra all morning, I didn't even think I knew any songs by Frank Sinatra! But I obviously do! He is so charming.

Something stupid

Thats life

Fly me to the moon

I ♥Jazzz, so smooth and can set any mood right!

Home is my sunshine

2009-10-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

So what I thought was the best part of me left around this time last year, I say this time, (well its not quite) because I can 't get over how quick a year has nearly gone by. And as I sit here thinking about what I have achieved in the time that you wasn't there, I then realised, I am myself; I'm not following in your footsteps any more, I'm taking big strides all by myself. As much as you encouraged me and told me there's so much more to life when I was with you, I always held back. And one major lesson I learnt the hard way was; Follow your dreams, Do what you want to do.

I've met some amazing people, I've been to the most amazing places, I've learnt who will have my back, where my loyalties lay, and the toughest thing I couldn't quite grasp at the time, was what I was going to do with my life, I've finally got it! So this bit of freedom and the hurt I've felt over the last year, was so worth it. And the one thing I'm glad I didn't do, was find someone else to forget you, because I don't ever want to forget you or any of the people who have a huge impact on my life.

People come into your life for a reason and I believe they come into your life to help you grow as a person.

So here are some pictures I took of myself, they are called Freedom:

The impossible project

2009-10-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

You started to try, when it was too late.

Good news people! So I got an E-mail - (click HERE to find out more)

The impossible project - has officially become possible.
they started a project:

The production of instant film stoped June 2008, closing the factories in Mexico and the Netherlands. This was because they were competing against new technologies. But to be honest I personally think it was the best thing for them to stop! they wouldn't have this much hype if they still produced them!

There aim is to re-invent and re-start production of film for vintage Polaroid cameras. They have set up camp in Neverlands from Polaroid, also signed a 10-year lease in the same factory building; and have gathered the most experienced team to start production!

There aim is not re-build Polaroid film but to develop a new product with the same characteristics but more modern and up-to-date. Sold under a new brand name. I don't know if i like the fact that they are changing the film characteristics, because thats why we use it? I personally like the grainy/ diss-colour/ almost vintage look about them! But who knows what they will be like and we shall wait and see!

At the moment I've been using Poladroid project, which a fellow blogger showed me (Oh Missy Me - Cute blogger!) to convert my images to polaroid, (download here) 1. bcos i have no money to by film and 2. its just brilliant!

So heres my trip to Cuba through poladroid

I am extremely happy! hopefully I will have film in all these camera I have! I havn't used the really old 30 or 1000 yet so I'm excited to see the qualities that they bring!

Phil Dunne

2009-10-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

The second worst feeling in the world is: needing someone the most and they are not there.

The first worst feeling in the world is: being that person who is not there when someone needs you most.

So my nan randomly brought a photographers magazine for me, I dunno if that was a hint or just pure and utter coincidence, because I have been jabbering on about photography recently. So I was flicking through the pages and something caught my attention, because I've seen this artist somewhere before! So I had a look through his website and his work is expressive and really free flowing, I think it is amazing!

Phil Dune (http://www.lovetherobot.com/) is an illustrator who combines traditional and digital techniques to create his work. He starts of with pen, pencil, ink and then edits them through Photoshop. He has won various competitions and has had some works published through advertisement.

Barcelona

2009-10-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

Sooo i'm slowly going through my travels this summer. Its coming into winter now and I've realise how much I LOVE autumn and winter time! I prefer the cold then the hot. but anyway back to the travels.

So here's the lo-down, I went away for 5weeks. Started at Barcelona, then moved on to Rome, Milan, Venice, Budapest, Austria, Prague, Frankfurt, Berlin, Amsterdam and Brussels. Yeap I fitted allll of that into 5 weeks and it was the best (left me in debt) thing I've ever done!

Barcelona was the second most inspirational place I went on my trip. It's a place for creativity, letting go and it's ridiculously relaxed. It is a bit dusty and dirty, but when you look past all of that and venture down small town roads you'll find; cute little shops, architectural brilliance and many artist studios. You can't stick to being a tourist and using map to see the true beauty of this city.

We spent a whole week here, chilled on the beach for 2 of those days and realised a lot of americans come here. Most nights we spent on the beach with nachos and cider. I don't actually know if weed is legal in Barcelona, but my god the amount of times we were offerd it, you get these annoying little men go round asking:
' water? beer? Marijuana?'

but to be honest, this only happens if your sitting on the beach at night. There is so much more to Barcelona.

I think is truly beautiful how this city lies alongside the beach. Barcelona is most famous for Gaudi the best architecture I have ever seen! WOW!

Casa Batllo

Casa Mila

La Sagrada Familia ( you can click to enlarge the photos)

Casa Vicens

Guell Park

A must do in Barcelona is visit the Guell Park, it is like walking through a fairy tale so unreal. Gaudi was the only thing I was excited for when I was on the plane to Barcelona, but there is sooo much to see. The metro is pretty good and very cheap. but then again Londons' underground is stupidly expensive. The people in Barcelona are either really nice or just rude. errmmm also find the palace! Barcelona's palace, we chilled up the top looking at the view, whilst watching the sunset, with some guy playing amazing acoustic guitar. All we needed was a bottle of wine. Also at the palace on the weekend they do a water fountain display, which was pretty cool.

We didn't intentionally go out looking for places in Barcelona, most of them we sort of stumbled across, like the Bull Ring is a huge deal and we nearly walked passed it. We went in to see if we could have a look round, but it was closed, then some guy came out and was like if you give us a kiss, I'll show you around even though its closed. So we had a look round, then he invited us back later for sangria. We didn't go back, he was weird but amazing guy for showing us around the bull ring.

So yeah. Barcelona is a city I will be going back to! If I knew Spanish, I would definitely love to live there!

White Lies

2009-10-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

By Mr. Hudson
Isn't trust based on lying? That pretty much sums everything up.

Lying, I still can't find the truth.
So I spin another line on you
You can't blame a fella for trying
I'm hoping you eat my every word
Doesn't it taste so good?
But deep inside I'm dying

Oh! I wanna word with you
If there's never a perfect time
It's time for another white lie

White lies just another white lie
I did it to get close to you
And I will tell a million more

One day I know you'll understand
That I didn't really have much choice
I just had to hide it
Sometimes good men do bad things
Just as bad men can do good
Tell me which way you like it

Oh! I wanna word with you
There's never a perfect time
However much I try
Oh! Why don't you sit yourself down?
Cos we gotta talk this through
It's time for another white lie…

White lies just a little white lie
I did it to get close to you
And I will tell a million more

Oh-oh oh-oh
I was just playing girl I was just playing by your rules
Oh-oh oh-oh
Just another white lie and I'll tell a million more
White lies…

I'm no photographer

2009-10-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

But every now and then I get the urge to pick up a camera and take pretty photos, normally off my best friend, I think she is beautiful, so I try my best in the photos to portray this! I like taking photos of people more then landscape or nature etc.... I just think sometimes its really hard to express someone personality through a photo.

These were taken for my fine art project, we where exploring the body shape, and instead of taking photos of my friend in different body positions I got carried away with making the photos look picture perfect. I'm really happy with these, I like the lightness/clean look about them.

These were taken for my art portfolio to show of the textile garment I made. Once again, you can hardly see the bra I made because I got carried away with the photography side, creating the image, making sure the colours and props looked how I wanted them too. Damn it, Still got an A for the project though.

But yeah, I'm not a photographer, but I have a lot of people on my Facebook who are and take it a lot more seriously then I do, here are some of my favourites:

Michelle McClellan - A bit of every thing/experimenting
Chloe Bowan - Beauty/Make-up/Head shots
Victoria Cadish's - Creative arts/ Life
Holly Eve Lucas - Live/Promotional/Model
Ian Arnold - Live music/Promotional music/Model
Danielle Kelly - Live/Promotional/Model
Joe Hays - Fashion/Creative

The Bystander Effect

2009-10-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so in my media class I’ve been studying horror films, classic horror films such as: Psycho (1960) and Halloween (1978) to be honest I don’t normally take an interest in how to make a film scary or media in general. I don’t even know why I’m studying the subject. But what really intrigued me was to read about the real life stories in which film producers’ find in newspapers or books to base there film on. The scene in Halloween where one of the victim’s runs up to a neighbours house screaming for help and the neighbour looks out of the window and dismisses her, this is a classic case where the producer took a story and intertwined into his film;

This was taken from the case of Kitty Genovese (1964).
She was walking back to her car, which surrounded four blocks of flats, and she was attacked and murdered she screamed and screamed for help the murder left the scene twice and came back twice to continue, yet 38 people witnessed this… YEAP 38 PEOPLE witnessed the stabbing and failed to intervene or even contact the police.This is remarkable, that so many people could have helped but chose not too. So it prompted groundbreaking research in social psychology and the discovery about human behaviour - which has become known as the bystander effect.

The bystander effect is when individuals are less likely to offer help in an emergency when other people are present. The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is that any one of them will help. Researchers started a series of experiments that resulted in one of the strongest and most replicable in social psychology. The researchers staged emergency situations (woman falling and becoming injured, a student having an epileptic seizure, etc.) they then measure how long it takes the passer-by to act or not intervene at all. They found that people in groups fail to act in emergency situations more likely then if you are on your own, this is because of social influence – so really you look to see if someone steps up before you or not. The other reasons why people may not help are:

- They may assume that other people are more qualified to help, such as doctors or police officers, and that their would be no point you helping.

- People may also experience apprehension and fear losing face in front of the other bystanders. ( which I think is a load of shit – you should not be embarrassed to help someone)

- They may also be afraid of being offering unwanted assistance, or facing the legal consequences and possibly a chance of injuring themselves.

I’m absolutely baffled as to why the human mind just doesn’t react, I really would like to think I would help, but I suppose you don’t know till you’re in that situation. It is probably the worst feeling in the world knowing that people can help, they are there, but not doing anything about it.

I left you a note on your bed this morning...

2009-10-05T04:33:00.000-07:00

It says;

I love you.

I'm hoping it will make you smile before you go to sleep tonight.

These images are from sincerly, cheska - really cute flicker steam

errmm, soooo the L-O-V-E word: - know when to use it, - how to use it and - why your using it? I think the book I'm reading at the moment clearly defines all the different types of love soo well:

Love at first sight: The overwhelming desire to see the inside of the nearest closet (pub toilet, friends back garden, the alleyway over there)

True Love: Can be introduced to the family without un-reasonable fear of embarrassment.

Everlasting Love: A polymorous couple who havn't had sex with each other in years

Love match: An alliance between kingdoms

The love of your life: The indolent boy from your last year at uni, who spent eight hours a day online and ate all the nutella, the memory of whom somehow improves with time

In love: A momentary instance of being almost as interested in someone else as in oneself

Loving: Capable of untold amounts of suffocation

Motherly Love: Capable of untold amounts of suffocation

Brothery Love: Forbidden by the moral laws of most world religions

Lover: The one who comes round when your partner's 'out of town on business' (read:seeing his lover)

Loveable: Cuddly. In the pejorative sense (similar to 'shaply legs', which is a code for chubby)

Lovely: Only just bearable ('that was a lovely party! I do hope you take me to Kettering again!)

Love potion: The only thing that might incite the boy to call.

She missed out first love: I wouldn't have a clue as to how to define a first love, I guess you will never be the same in a relationship once that's over. It is a massive learning curve.

So as I sit here eating my popcorn, I can't help but think - to find love shouldn't you have a first date? moments of innocents, 'do I kiss him, do I not?', candle lit dinners, spending a lazy Sunday afternoon mucking about and generally just wanting to get to know someone without you feeling like you should hold back. Ideally it should start like this.

and now I'm curious as to know what your 'type' of L♥VE is and how it started?

If i could ask anything off you:

2009-09-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

Just don't let yourself go, please. your far to beautiful to me.

Right now I want to be in Austria. Cycling up to the mountains, taking a dip in the most unreal bluest water I've ever seen. It was one of the best days of my life, I would give anything to feel that free and happy right now. I truly felt on top of the world and everything felt so right.

We went to Salzburg in Austria, which is next to Germany. It is for sure not a party city, but it's a place to appreciate natural beauty. I'm so glade we didn't go to the capital of Austria (Vienna) we would have missed this pretty amazing place. We started the day early, okay really really early because we only had a day there. We sat in a café for breakfast for about 2hours writing postcards and found out that this was where Sound Of Music was filmed. We rented bikes for £12 for the whole day, which made us so happy and set our selves a mission to ride towards the mountains. An boy' did we find the mountains! We stop to take in the view and we asked this guy to take our photo, he asked us where we were heading, he told us we should follow the river down a bit further and we would find somewhere to go skinny dipping. FUCK THE RIVER WAS COLD, so cold, but we still got in like everyone else.

After getting wet, we needed to dry off so we cycled a little more, then we sat down for something to eat. I don't know why I loved Austria so much, maybe its because it took my breath away. But when I was there I worried about nothing, I felt safe, even sleeping in the train station with weird hobos.

I'm so gutted we lost all the video footage of the route we took towards the mountains, because its not an easy one, you could be cycling for ages to find this treasure.

Lets talk Venice

2009-09-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

You don't know what you've got, until its gone.

I was having a conversation about music and art tonight and it made me think of beautiful Venice. A quaint little city made up of 409 bridges which is why it's called 'the city of bridges'. I would suggest you pack light, because carrying a heavy suitcase over all those bridges to find our hotel is something you may want to re-consider if you like to pack a lot. This was the 4th stop on our travels this summer, one of my favourites after Austria.

So many things that caught my attention in Venice. The architecture for one! It is so stunning. St Mark's Square, After my granddad kept at me to go see it, you hardly could miss it. You see, I thought Walthamstow market only had pidgins, ergh the little rat birds covered the square, which people were feeding and willingly have them sit on there arms. Thirdly, glass to die for, the colours, shapes and work that went into a single bead was outstanding. The pizza, yum yum, something we didn't go without. Okay and the water taxis and water buses - SO EXPENSIVE! it was like £12 for a day pass on a water bus and £20 for a water taxi to take you like a meter. Venice was the most expensive city on our travels, we paid £60 a night for a 1 star hotel, but was worth it to see the city in 2 days. OH! and shopping, BIG city for fashion, art, food and jewellery. Ermm.. I think I would go back to this city, but in the winter because a local told us that it gets really misty and the clouds come down on the city because of all the cannals and that St Mark's Square gets flooded.

We meet two lovely chaps on our travels in Venice. We thought one night it would be cleaver to get on the roof of our hotel and enjoy the city with wine on the rooftop. But it ended up with two of us getting stuck on the roof and the other two stuck in our hotel room.

But to truly define Venice for me, was this exhibition. The End by Ragnar Kjartansson. It is a two-folded project by Ragnar Kjartansson. With a live performance on-site, where the artist paints this man thoughout the day, eveyday whilst the exhibition was on. The other was a video and sound piece in another room. Which was what truly caught my attention, because it was amazing. ( the video is at the bottom) But I think to utterly appreciate the beauty of it you had to be in that room. Its basically two guys filmed different instruments in different locations of Iceland, then they are all played together to form an musical harmony. I wish there was a CD.

I did realise how shit this recording is. but its the only one I could find. sorry

And a real kiss

2009-09-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

"Oh. she's a fragile cookie... what you'll have to do is, stick her back in the oven for a little while longer till she hardens up."

This song really gives me the shivers. Love Letters by Lisa Mitchell who is actually the winner of Australian Idol.

I'd like a flat white, a day of pale skies,
And a real kiss

Inside an old house, by the seaside,
You can take off my blouse

but take it from me; I'm disorderly and you'd be off better
writing someone else your love letter
cause I'm always on the road

And of course I wanna know you better,
But you know the way it goes

Well a telegram's no substitute,
when it comes to living proof

oh go on and write somebody else,
oh somebody else, oh anybody...

Your love letter.

So I need a flight home, There's no day to argue,
no I need my pillow

Well inside an old house, by the seaside, You can take off my blouse
But take it from me;

I'm disorderly and you'd be off better, Writing someone else your love letter
cause I'm always on the road

And of course I wanna know you better,
But you know the way it goes

And a telegram's no substitute,
When it comes to living proof

Go on and write somebody else, somebody else
somebody else a love letter

Oh, living in that chest is a big, big heart, one that I’ve known from the very start (X4)

Go on, write somebody else your love letter
‘Cause I’m always on the road

And of course, of course I wanna know you better,
But you know the way it goes.

If i could be anyone

2009-09-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Anyone in the whole wide world for a day... it would be Roxy Velvet or maybe Dita Von Teese, just to see what it would be like to perform on a stage, with feathers, wearing amazing underwear and just to feel what its like to have all eyes on you.

I've really taken a interest in Burlesque lately. It seems like so much fun! Who knows I might try it out? hehee, I'll stumble everywhere, I might have the creativity but I'm no performer.

Right, okay?

2009-09-19T16:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when you express how you feel, you generally hope it will makes you move forward.
But you feel like such a fool because it just moved 6 steps back instead. Then that makes you think, you wish you didn't say anything... anything at all. When in fact, its not me who should feel like the fool, its you.

So this site has been going around my Facebook friends for quite a while now, and I've only just decided to jump on the bandwagon.

YEARBOOK YOUR SELF 2009! It is hilarious! You basically upload your face and then flick through the eras at the bottom till you find the image you like.

1966 ............................................ 1984 ............................................ 1990

I'm quite liking the 1984 look.

The quote to define this year:

2009-09-19T14:48:00.001-07:00

'Gosh Gemma, look at us, we're growing up'

So true. There I was sitting in my media class looking into another classroom and I looked over to see what all the students were watching on the screen, and there it was, the music video my friends from college filmed two years ago. I remember that day so clearly sitting in that grimy warehouse thingy trying to make it look like a broken home. It's absolutely crazy how far we have all come and these are the guys my friends were filming; WE ARE THE OCEAN. A band I've seen grow from strength to strength, right from the beginning and watching how hard they have worked is inspiring.

I guess for them this is only the beginning to how much more they have coming, if they keep up the hard work. No one can take away the days, when I was sitting in the other room listening to rough drafts of the song on acoustic and finding scrape pieces of paper on the floor with lyrics on, I would turn down the T.V so I could listen clearer and skim over the lyrics, and then hearing that song finally finished live on a stage in front of hundreds of people was overwhelming, I don't think pride comes close to how I feel. It's just a shame I have to tell you over a blog, that you probably don't read.

Nothing Good Had Happened Yet

'your best asset.. your eyes'

2009-09-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've got nothing to say, I was let down tonight, again. Its got to a point now, where I can't even be bothered to moan about it. I suppose the only thing to do when it get to this point is; smile and pretend it doesn't bother me because now this relationship is like, letting sand slip through your fingers.

So whilst I was sitting at home, finding something else to do, I baked triple chocolate muffins, watched 3 films and saw some images by Rankin which reminded of an old project (click here to view) which I completed at the beginning of summer. I take pride in my art work, because it's ridiculously personal to me, and if I was to do an extension to that project, it would be great to see how far I've come, the change in topics and relationships! In the words of Corinne Bailey Rae:

'The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change'

I'm unsure why these were taken, but they are called 'EYESCAPES' by Rankin - absolutely stunning, they really suck you in:

A battle you can't win on your own.

2009-09-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

Recently I've found myself getting swept away by photography and the womanly body form. One photographer I met up with hit the nail on the head for me. She said:

I don't know why they are all moaning about skinny bodies, It's the fashion. It will soon go back to curves. Like it was once skinny then curves, now skinny. Its the times.

Sam Haskins

She right. When fashion and art are one of the biggest commerces after medicine, size, shape and weight is a battle we will never be able to win. Which is ironic really; If medicine is the leading industry why are people not following the guidelines of how to maintain a healthy body that your doctor recommends. So really the creative businesses overrides everything, because its always being thrown in our faces day in day out; television, magazines and advertisements. Which are only there as an escape from reality, but then there's a fine line between escaping for five minutes and becoming what you want for the rest of your life.

Breathtaking Beauty

2009-09-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

Paloma Faith, actress come musician who was inspired by Jessica Rabbit. When I saw this interview I really honestly couldn't keep my eyes of her, she's beautiful in so many ways of imagination, burst full of energy! Wow I could listen to her for hours.

Songs:
Stone Cold Sober

New York

I Just Wait

"you see that ginger over there, she crazy"

2009-09-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day in nine months, my life actually felt normal again. Like, this is now the norm. I like the feeling of depending only on myself, that way you have no one to let you down. It's taken far to long to get to this point, but, I suppose when you really cared for someone, its only natural to take this long. It was worth the wait. I don't hate, I don't need any more, its just how its suppose to be.

One of my good friends moves all the way up north friday, so today we dedicated the day in London to thing she likes. first, a bit of browsing in shops on Oxford street... and she came to the conclusion, most clothes now days remind her of Lady Gaga and how much we love autumn clothing! Some things I wanted today, but I'm seriously still in debt from travelling.

Then after mooching about we went to Getty images gallery - to see 'Londoners Through A Lens'. Which was really intriguing to see fashion back then and how it has come back to now. Really amazing photography, it left me walking out thinking: I wonder who in 40 years time will the next generation be inspired by.

BEATLES - ON THE ROOFTOP

........................Baby Cage..............................Cilla Black, Petula Clark and Sandie Shaw

Winter Plunge

Then after the exhibition, we went to a lovely little tea room in Chancery lane called Bea's of Bloomsbury and sat in there for a couple of hours, whilst I watched my friend take two hours writing on a wooden spoon!

So I think a very English day. I'll miss you!

The Darjeeling Limited

2009-09-08T17:53:00.000-07:00

Although this is not a recent film (2007) It will always hold a soft spot in my heart. I found this film floating about on my computer this evening. My heart sank. It reminded me of last Christmas, snow and a beautiful boy with a stunning smile. He was the first ever boy I was speechless to talk in front of in case I said something wrong, so shy. One night I made the effort when I was tired, just left work and looked rough to go see his art gallery and he was closing before I got there. He knew I made this trek to go see it, so he left it open just a little later just so I could have a look. I was hoping I would see him again after that, then nothing, poof, gone. I do wish I still spoke to him now, he was the reason I got the motivation to go travelling and so keen to see the city Barcelona. And I did, he was right, Barcelona is such a beautiful city. He's probably right now painting his art, with those artist hands.

Sensitivity to Personal Smell

2009-09-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

They say scents is the most powerfully memory-associated of all the senses. And that it is also the most neglected. It is so ephemeral. You become quickly tired of strong odours, but can't get enough of the tease, the slightest waft of an almost remembered association.

I found an old white polo t-shirt today under my bed, of course not mine due to the fact it was Topman, size small a perfect fit for his build. Automatically I smelt it, and to my surprise I was overly happy, it smelt of MY washing powder. I bunged it on, done some painting in it, ruined it with acrylic and once I was finished I chucked it away, I suppose it saves ruining one of my tops.

Now thinking about it, I have so many smell associated items, people and places. I opened my sleeping bag from travelling the other day, OH! the smell of travelling! DAMP, DIRTY-FRESH. such a memorable smell, but one I wont come across in my day to day life. My sister and mum have a very particular fragrance, they're more comforting, reminds me of home. But I have a totally different sensation when I walk into a certain someone's room, it always smells of sex, so humid. But when you get close up to him, a totally different scent altogether, one I can't put my finger on. One I don't necessitate, but lust for at the moment. sigh*

So I guess the scents you associate things with, you know them, but they are so unfirmiliar.

A little village next to Ongar

2009-09-05T16:32:00.000-07:00

That was where I was today. In a beautiful house in the middle of nowhere, even getting reception on your phone is hard, I had first hand experience with a very cold outside pool and there were horses grazing practically in the backgarden. This is where I posed for some photos for a Chloe Bowman and her mum who done all the make up - www.natashadines.co.uk Where I had a really nice day in her studio, and after some soup we went down to see her horse and took it for a walk. Beautiful :)

Recently, i've really fallen i love with the liverpudlian accent, phworrr.

oh. that really botherd me...

2009-09-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

I DO know how to 'take it easy' infact, that's all I want is some fun right now please.

This afternoon, I had a delightful picnic in a bedroom because Essex today could decided whether it wanted to rain or not, with two of my good friends, we indulged in Jude Law in Alfie, Gossip girl's Chuck, Barry M eyeshadows, lots of couscous, strawberries and a good chit chat.

I've also decided to change from Polaroid to Fuji instant cameras: 1. cheaper film and 2. better quality photos because the film isn't out of date.

How is this fair?

2009-09-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

I wish sometimes I could detach myself to things so easily like you do.

But then I guess, that's the difference between us; I like fighting to keep things in my life that actually mean something to me. I don't even want you back, I want my friend back.

Okay, i can't keep away

2009-08-30T12:38:00.000-07:00

Like, I work in a beauty store, they always stick me down first isle, with all the cosmetics on the weekend and because it never gets busy, I always find myself staring at posters, wondering if your make up can really look like that or is it just blatantly photoshoped to pieces, so here we go:

*I believe if you click on the photos they enlarge.

1. Barry M - 'FESTIVAL DRAMA'

right, so the only thing I like about this... is the lip-stick, fuck me its hard to get both eyes even, yeah alright, I give credit to Barry M for the vibrant colours, but those dazzle dust go everywhere. But no one warned me that you have to stick a sticky primer under the eye shadow to get the best out of the colour and for the dust to actually stay on.

Bourjois - 'ELECTRO ROCK LOOK'

I like this. I love Bourjouis to be honest, but I wouldn't touch there foundations with a barge pole, they are awful! I did think this look would be more dramatic... a bit more POW. in your face. which is why I've always hesitated to wear my make-up like this on a night out, but I might now, its subtle with making a statement.

MaXfactor - 'RED REVOLUTION'

Yes! one of my favourite! It's a classic, red lips, a paler tone to the skin and a flick on the corner of the eye, but I wouldn't wear the red lip-stick, I like more pinky shades. The reason I love this look is it defines all features on your face, this is how I generally do my make-up day to day.

I like my book

2009-08-25T06:08:00.001-07:00

It makes me feel impish for reading it on public transport :) and it makes me chuckle so much when you see someone read over my shoulder.. The general reaction is a slight huff and then they quickly turn there heads and pretend they didn't read anything. Of course, serves them right for reading over my shoulder.

They say if a horse;

2009-08-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

walks in front of you its impatient, if it walks behind you it's stubborn but if it walks beside you its your loyal companion. and I will walk beside you, if you walk beside me, which is why I painted this on my wall :)

I know, i got up this moring and thought, lets post a letter to EVERYONE in ireland

2009-08-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

I follow a Blog (http://blog.freepeople.com/art/), which is probably one of the best blogs for new contemporary artists. I've got so many inspirations and ideas from this Blog and this is one of the best posts I've ever come across:

Basically two artist, Lenka Clayton and Michael Crowe wrote over 450 letters, (which to me is pretty impressive by its self) the idea was to send a handwritten letter to everyone in the world. with hopes that it would bring the 'community together, promoting curiosity and discussion'

and its not like the letters a boring, they're cleverly written to be curious.
mysterious letters

I just think its a wonderful and not a self-indulgent idea for once. <3

I suppose to get to the top...

2009-08-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

You've had to have started at rock bottom? right?

My great nan took me to Belgium for the day, she's 90 in December I think she is capable of flying if she wanted to.

Your A Fucking Retard

2009-08-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

I'M A FUCKING RETARD

That was a MASSIVE fail... trust me I will never again make the same mistake twice.

Alex

2009-08-16T13:51:00.000-07:00

We met this guy on a very wet and rainy day, on our second night in Budapest, at our hostel. We where making a traditional Hungarian meal and he put on this little lady on youtube. I didn't think much much of her at the time, I jotted down her name and only just listen to her songs on the internet and WOW she blew me away:

LYKKE LI

Dance Dance Dance

A Little Bit

Oh which got me into Laura Marling <3

Neopolitan Dreams

2009-08-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

You'll go on I’ll be okay,
I can dream the rest away
Its just a little touch of fate, it will be okay
It sure takes its precious time, but it’s got rights and so have I

I turn my head up to the sky
I focus one thought at a time
I do not let the little thieves under my tightly buttoned sleeves
You couldn’t be alone, the time I feel like I am walking blind
I have no where I’ll have time

There are no legible signs x2

I like the way that you talk,
I like the way that you walk.
It’s hard to recreate such an individual game

You wait you turn in the queue,
You say your sorries and thank you’s
I don’t think you’re ever
A hundred percent in the room
You’re not in the room x2

Deepest, of the dark nights
here lies, the highest of highs
Neopolitan Dreams, stretching out to the sea

You wait you turn in the queue,
You say your sorries and thank yous
I don’t think you’re ever
A hundred percent in the room
You’re not in the room x2

nothing to blog

2009-08-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

well actually, I have.

the internet is not private - go figure.

so I'm gonna sit here munching on my shortbread, dipping it into my tea and keeping my hands occupied so I don't type anything that I may regret.

and look at pretty dresses

I Lovvee Betsey Johnson

My Beautiful Rescue

2009-08-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

04:08:2009 @ 2:54am

2009-08-03T18:19:00.000-07:00

This came to my head;

'if you move to fast, your more then likely to crash and burn'

p.s. Austria really does looks like this, I WILL LIVE THERE ONE DAY.

The battle has been won

2009-08-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

I don't think anyone right now can take away my happiness and please don't try, I've got to a peace of mind, where I feel like I can do anything. I feel accomplished.

And all I wanna do, after sleeping in airports, train stations and hostels for 5 weeks, is lay in my bed and jamm to my i-pod, alone.

Wait till tomorrow and I'll be begging to go back. I already have plans for winter. Austria is on my list, for sure <3

"I have seen..

2009-07-18T04:45:00.002-07:00

.. the most beautiful sights in the world, but honestly, none have been as beautiful as you."

Lesson 656:

2009-06-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

Hold your tongue and just let it be.

Facebook

2009-06-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

is so wrong, I've decided.

I've only recently come to this conclusion, due to the fact it makes you think otherwise, when in reality, its something totally different. For example; you can make your own judgement on what's going on in my life via my page, when really, you'll be surprised at what type of life I lead if you look past Facebook and the people I really social network with.

I'm pretty sure if you look down your phone, you'll realise your life is not what it seems through Facebook. But I do like Drop Dead Fred and I've watch the film ridiculous amounts!

Over what?

2009-06-21T05:27:00.000-07:00

''i'm over it?''
'but what's it?'
''it''

Good closure, I'm not angry, I'm not annoyed, she seems nice enough. I just hope your happy, which you seem to be, I think I'm fine and this is what's meant to be.

I'm going to stop trying so hard now, because when you explained what would be good is; us now as friends, who had a good two years together, which I wont forget and to be honest, I'm just glad that I met you, because you do have a heart of gold, along with the rest of your family :)

I'm just happy I got a polaroid with film for £3 at carboot this morning. I love carboots! I also got a good pair of sunglasses for 20p, which I'm modelling in my polaroids. Then on thursday, when I see my nanny, I'll see if I can steal her film and maybe her camera too.

2009-06-20T05:24:00.001-07:00

"The battle's almost won, and were only several miles from the sun."

Busy busy beee

2009-06-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

A very productive start to the summer I think! Today, I went to an auction, done the post, booked a hair appointment at Toni and Guy, I managed to finish sticking all 51 items on Ebay, most of them are My Little Ponies, my beloved collection which I'm now selling to raise money. Considering I quit my job last Saturday, I need the money!

I think I have an addiction, next summer I will save to go New York and San Diego for the My Little Pony Fair and THIS -

http://www.themylittleponyproject.com/

It's basically where artists come together, each design and create a pony then sell them, normally on an average;£1500 which goes to charity. I WILL MAKE ONE! I WILL!

Then tonight cook a bowl of soup, dye my hair and put a film on :)

Foolish mistake;

2009-06-15T04:25:00.000-07:00

trying to compete, when im not even in the race.

Sentiments

2009-06-10T10:19:00.000-07:00

From the start to the end, I've never been so enthusiastic about a project before in my life. This little black book I carried around for a week made me realise a lot about myself. My finals are a sires of 7 lino and etched prints, from day 1 to 7 and on each print has a statement which had the biggest effect on me on that day.

DAY 1:
I love the fact when I received this text message, I laughed, because you call me things which you are yourself.

DAY 2:
I felt so unworthy this day.

DAY 3:
I needed guidance, what's the point talking to someone who is in the same neck of the woods as me.

DAY 4:
One day you'll wake up an realise, im not there any more, I'm somewhere far away, somewhere where you wont be able to find me.

DAY 5:

I lost my book this day in the mess which is called my bedroom.

DAY 6:
sorry

DAY 7:
After a week of rejection, annoyance and totally unsure of life, I then thought fuck this shit!

GOOD MORNING WORLD

2009-06-08T01:24:00.000-07:00

I have definitely not been up this early in quite a while, (WELL actually that's a lie, I got up for sunrise the other morning with my bestfriends, which can only be described as disastrous beauty, so lets pretend it was all a dream)

It does feels good to be up this early! I should do it more, I should also clean the pasta bowls and alcohol bottles from my bedroom floor, but we don't! because we are lazy! I feel this is a new day, to start new things.

I'm highly confused about a certain someone. Surly the rule is: If you want something, work for it, take it all and don't ponder and don't take your time. The 3 qualities I find most inspirational in a person are; passion, strength and being independent - This is what I now strive for, because I am capable of these things.

Lastly this picture makes me chuckle soooo much! :)
oh louise.

Just a thank you to these 3 wonderful ladies for getting me through what was a difficult start to the year and baby I'm back on track. Thank you for getting me out and enjoying life, amazing, truly amazing girls! well I've also gotta thank my mum, for letting me have my freedom and my mum is utterly amazing, cheers ;)!

Ma work, ma print work.

2009-06-06T07:09:00.000-07:00

This is a current project about my thoughts and feelings. I've decided to go with visualising words. They all represent how I was feeling at one point, and now looking over them, there all pretty negative. perk up Gemma!

LINO PRINT

SILK SCREEN

ETCHING

53 Pages of Pure knowledge

2009-06-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry, you have to give credit, to Mr. Kanye West for his brand new book - 'THANK YOU AND YOUR WELCOME'

Whilst I was at work in the warehouse sorting out shampoos, I was listening to radio1, when they mentioned this book and it very much encouragedme to get my hands on it and read it! They mentioned a few quotes from it; KanYe, you truly are innovative;

‘Believe in my flyness and Conker my shyness’

‘Im like a vessel and god has chosen me to be the voice and connecter, I cant be responsible, im good but in not that good, my job is to be in the studio and do videos and I just stand there and let god do the rest.’

‘The thing is, every quote I ever gave, no matter how much rubbish I was talking it never was delusional.’

‘If you’re driving a car and your trying to get into another lane, your looking for an opportunity to get in this lane, right? My goal is to be on a free-way in a PLANE in all lanes, at all times, the goal is to cross over, the goal is to try and do the impossible.’

‘I’m not one of the influential and innovative talents, I am the most influential and innovative.’

'If the bible was written now and today, I think i would be one of the characters in it'